


Lost in the dark please show me your light

by BeccastielDW



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Canon but not really, Hurt Lance (Voltron), It’s not totally edited sorry, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, M/M, Not really taking season 6 in count, Pining Lance (Voltron), Suicide Attempt, in first, it’s dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 11:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15023714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccastielDW/pseuds/BeccastielDW
Summary: Keith came back.Lance almost couldn’t believe it but it really felt like finally everything fell into place.





	Lost in the dark please show me your light

Keith came back.  
Lance almost couldn’t believe it but it really felt like finally everything fell into place.  
Maybe it was before when they were all together everyone piloting their own lions... but for Lance it wasn’t, not really.  
Not when he was lying to himself not before his big epiphany or getting out of his personal closet...  
Now Keith was back and he « knew »  
He was free and happy to have him back !  
Everything seems to be on perfect timing.  
He was going to talk to Keith and tell him he loved him... well maybe only saying the word « like » in first to not scare off that mullet...  
Still it would be perfect  
Lance finally free from that closet, Keith back here in the same place as him...  
But of course he should have known... it wouldn’t be that easy.  
Not for him.  
It went like this...

Lance first started telling him he was happy Keith was back and pulled him into a hug  
And Keith hug him back he even smiled at him, Lance was smiling an hopeful smile but his hands were trembling when he finally asked  
\- am I... the only one feeling this?  
Keith stared then  
Lance waited, he finally figured Mullet didn’t catch the clue so he tried again  
\- I mean... am I the only one feeling this between us?  
His still trembling hands motioned between them and fell useless on the bed on every side of him  
Keith stared more intensely and then Lance first felt scared  
Because Keith looked like he finally got it but he wasn’t looking happy about it  
He looked almost annoyed by it and god if it hurts...  
Still Lance wasn’t sure and he wasn’t a coward... well he didn’t want to be one  
He wanted he needed an answer  
\- keith... I dunno... I have feelings for you I figured I always had but I didn’t know before you left and then I understood and since that I...  
Keith shook his head and got up  
\- Lance, you don’t know what you’re saying, it’s not real  
He looked sorry for Lance like he was pitying him or something and Lance could die now  
Pitying him to have feelings for someone who didn’t share them  
He felt awful  
Keith then started to explain it wouldn’t be a good idea anyway, for the team, that Lance always liked girls anyway and he was probably just confused  
He tried to tell Keith that all of it was wrong, he could have stepped on every reason he gave but not for one... a major one: he couldn’t step over the fact that Keith didn’t like nor love him back  
So he kept quiet  
He fought against tears he didn’t want to cry now, he didn’t want Keith to see him cry over this, he didn’t want to see the pity again 

He still hoped that Keith would think about it that maybe it would take him awhile like it did for him.  
Lance loved him, he would wait for him if he needed to, he would wait years

He felt very sad for a month but then told himself he would wait and see.  
Keith still talked to him they didn’t text like before when he was with the blade  
Sometimes what Keith said seemed flirty or caring and he would be swooning inside but keeping his cool outside.  
But his relationship with the others paladins didn’t get better and Keith seemed to be closer to Pidge now. Pidge always seemed to know everything and would look at Lance sometimes in a weird way.  
It made him feel awful  
They must know, about Lance hopeless feelings and his disgusting declaration... how Keith didn’t want him.  
They knew and judged him for that, surely they would never understand what it was to be in love with someone so much that it hurts to not be with that person that this person’s opinion was the one that really mattered  
That you could talk with everyone but still feel alone...  
Months later he was a mess  
Worse than what he felt before  
He wasn’t sleeping more like crying all night and falling asleep crying holding on a pillow catching few hours of eyeshut  
He didn’t have any motivation  
Only for the paladin’s work and minimum social tchats  
No one noticed  
He didn’t really try hiding  
But they would not notice even if he said it over dinner. They would only laugh it off, thinking he wanted attention... did he want attention ? Maybe but not in that way  
Keith would have noticed before  
He would have but now it came to them only being teammates at work and nothing else  
Being close was long forgotten  
Lance tried to stay close  
Thinking maybe Keith would have an epiphany some day or maybe he would not but thzt was okay because no matter what he wanted him in his life.  
So for the first few months he tried to be how they were before they were too close but not too much to scare him  
But Keith put minimal effort  
He would only reply if Lance asked something  
And Lance stopped trying... nothing  
He didn’t have the strength and try for two people  
It wasn’t like Keith wanted him anyway, he surely was tiring Keith...  
So they were allost strangers now  
Even if Lance’s heart was screaming for Keith  
He even started flirting with aliens again after a while  
It didn’t feel good but he tried nothing came out of it, not like it ever did, he thought and he never wanted it to work but now sometimes he wished he would feel something....  
That maybe someone else would take a hold on his heart and he wouldn’t cry about Keith anymore  
He felt shameful but he still cried even months later

 

Keith being so distant from him  
Denying what was between them

His friends being... uncaring for some and mocking for others  
He just didn’t get them  
The boy would never do the same to them  
They were hid friends and he would actually try and help  
He would see if he did something that hurt them  
Or if something or someone was hurting them

The boy felt like he was about to break  
Like he started giving out pieces of himself freely but then people started pulling them out without him noticing and even when he understood they still kept taking them by force  
He was already broken  
Hid heart was one of the last to go completely  
He tried and he means really tried to keep it in a good state but after having being stomped on so many times  
And that final heartache...  
That one that finished everything  
If his life was represented by a flame now it was barely a spark, a spark on an old candle that burned for years, never letting anyone down but got burned once too much and even if it happened once it melted it out...  
And there was that wind that menaced to turn it off anytime..  
That’s how he felt.  
And he wondered finally :  
Would he understand?  
Would they?  
Would they all understand why? Why he was broken...  
He didn’t meant to accuse them some way by dying...  
It was not an offense for them to take.  
He was hurt by them, by them keeping distance, by them not understanding him, not liking him for who he really was, by Keith...  
But it wasn’t ‘their’ fault that was his...  
It was his own fault for caring.  
People usually cared.  
But they found people that wanted them back.  
It was okay.  
But him...  
He was an outcast and really didn’t know why he was with them.  
An accident of some sort  
He knew they cared in their ways, they were good people.  
But just not how he needed them too  
It wasn’t their fault and he didn’t want to punish anyone.  
He just couldn’t help but want it to stop  
The suffering  
It wasn’t even a choice.  
His light was just getting thinner and thinner alone in the darkness...

He still longed for things he didn’t deserve...  
For things he would never have...  
He longed for those arms holding him.  
He could remember when they did and the ghost of it feeling remained within his skin...  
Keith making him feel like no other could make him feel.  
He longed for those kisses he could never have.  
He longed for his caring.  
The one he would always denied of...  
He didn’t know about now but he know he did before...  
Or maybe that was his selfishness that wanted him to even if it was in the past.  
He actually didn’t even talk or look at me anymore  
Even if he still made it looks like everything was okay with the others.  
But he knew...  
He felt it.  
It was a clear message.  
A clear rejection of everything that was him or his feelings.  
Keith didn’t only feel the same but he couldn’t bear Lance feelings love for him.  
And it hurted...

He longed to be loved  
And not just by a pretty or hot person or alien...  
He only wanted one particular person.  
And it was Keith.  
He only loved him he would always only love and want him.  
He knew it  
Felt it in his core  
Lance thought the other teen did it too.  
He really thought so.  
Back then he didn’t even had a gay panic.  
Surprising even himself!  
But everything was so natural.  
It seems like things were falling into pieces like a good puzzle.  
Keith was Keith.  
He finally understood this feelings he had for years.  
This obsession he had with him.  
That rival thing.  
That huge crush he actually had on him.  
Why he always was pulled toward him.  
Keith didn’t seem like he hated him even after all he said and did to annoy the hell out of him, sure he was angry but It was a Keith mood to be angry and he really didn’t hate Lance.  
He cared for him.  
They had this moment.  
This moment he himself denied but then again he was stupid back there and not ready to accept this.  
Tge other boy was adamant about their bonding moment.  
When Lance started understanding his feelings he thought that was a sign he liked him back.  
Some hope.  
It made me smile and feel happy.  
But he was so wrong...it Surely meant nothing more than any interaction...  
Lance breathed was shallow now, it was getting complicated to think clearly...  
He could see this moment still, see Keith’s gaze on him, feel his arms...  
Lance kept his eyes closed fighting to keep in touch with this moment and not see the outside...  
They saved yet another planet and his teamates were ahead of him like always going to the party they made for them.  
And Lance was tired that he let them go and started to find some place to wait this out, he had no strength for socializing tonight he couldn’t bother even if he wasn’t so so tired...  
He opened few doors but nothing seemed comfy and then it happened tge last door he opened, of course he did open that particular door...  
A booby trap kinda something for unwanted visitors...  
It was dark in there amd he couldn’t see anything but he felt pulled in and first thing he felt was being slashed in his sides... the damage was bad abd it hurt but he had worse since he started fighting for the universe. If they got him in a pod it would take some dobosh and he would be fresh and sound...  
He only had to call for his teammates...  
But the problem was he didn’t want to.  
He didn’t want to carry on like this, he couldn’t anymore...  
He knew what he was doing was still suicide even if he didn’t get hurt in purpose.  
He wouldn’t have been one of those who said they would kill themselves, he wouldn’t have tried, but he would be the one dying.  
It was as bad but Lance couldn’t care anymore .  
He had no idea what they would think, what he would think...  
He perfectly knew he wasn’t thinking clearly on the moment but he couldn’t help that..  
Lance almost called his name in the radio, almost... but three times...  
He felt a void around him he had no idea how much time passed here, hopefully he would be dead when they found him...  
Lance was looking at Keith... he was smiling at him they were hugging like that time before he rejected him... but before it was sweet... he loved Keith’s presence...  
A pang in his heart...  
A loud noise made him blink his eyes open slowly  
Still Keith’s violet eyes...  
They weren’t smiling but wide open in horror...  
-Oh my God, Lance!!!  
No... Lance closed his eyes, no it couldn’t be real..  
But Keith was now screaming things in his radio giving orders surely and was moving too fast and slow at tge same time  
\- Lance... Lance, Keith took his hand, I’m here please stay with me, you gotta...  
\- no...  
There was a silence then screaming Keith again  
\- fuck Lance!! You open your eyes and fight now!  
His hand was now crushed, Keith realized it  
\- I’m sorry but you gotta fight... i will not stand there as you die in my arms! I won’t let you you’re too important  
Lance had the force to snicker but regretted it and it hurts  
\- you...can repla..ce me  
He was almost out of it but Keith loud voice kept him awake  
\- i could never! We could never and we won’t!. I don’t.. Keith’s voice faltered, i don’t understand you... why would you... I’m sorry Lance  
Why was Keith sorry?  
\- fuck ! Keith sounded angry now, I am so stupid and you are stupid why is everything stupid in this stupid universe  
That’s it Lance was just losing his mind while dying.  
He still opened his eyes for the last time and looked at Keith.  
He looked like a torch in the dark, dressed with his red jacket and his face colored red with anger...  
Lance felt himself go but he wanted him to be the last thing he saw  
He tried to talk.  
\- Mulle...  
Then everything went dark...

**Author's Note:**

> Want more?  
> I promise a happy ending I cannot read fics that don’t have happy ends do you think I would write one? I’m sorry if you got scared tho :( it happens to me all the time because some people don’t tag I would have tagged it.  
> Anyway please tell me what you thought and if you want more?  
> I don’t have a beta can someone help?  
> This is not my first language and I’m very unsecure about my English writing so... any support would be very appreciated


End file.
